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If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, \'cause if they couldn\'t, they\'d have to wake up to the fact that life\'s one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can\'t seem to keep up is they\'re a bunch of misfits and losers.
Diplomacy is the art of saying \'Nice doggie!\'... \'til you can find a rock.
The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
I have not failed. I\'ve just found 10,000 ways that won\'t work.
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one\'s work is terribly important.
If you can\'t get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you\'d best teach it to dance.
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Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
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Silence is argument carried out by other means.
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
There\'s no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
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The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I\'ll never know.
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
Lohr\'s Law: The future is merely the past with a twist ? and better tools.
If you can read this you\'re not aiming in the right direction.
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
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The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
A good sermon should be like a woman\'s skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
I don\'t even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
Why don\'t they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
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Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, \'Where have I gone wrong?\' Then a voice says to me, \'This is going to take more than one night.\'
I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.
Lohr\'s Law: The future is merely the past with a twist ? and better tools.
The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I\'ll never know.
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn\'t take it out of my garden.
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
As the post said, \'Only God can make a tree,\' probably because it\'s so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
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True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, \'cause if they couldn\'t, they\'d have to wake up to the fact that life\'s one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can\'t seem to keep up is they\'re a bunch of misfits and losers.
It\'s not the size of the dog in the fight, it\'s the size of the fight in the dog.
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you\'ve got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn\'t your biggest problem.
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
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What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
You\'ll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
If all the world\'s managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
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Maybe this world is another planet\'s Hell.
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you\'ll be happy; if not, you\'ll become a philosopher.
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
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Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn\'t speak up because I wasn\'t a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn\'t speak up because I wasn\'t a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn\'t speak up because I wasn\'t a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn\'t speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.
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Build a man a fire, and he\'ll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he\'ll be warm for the rest of his life.
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
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I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
A hen is only an egg痴 way of making another egg.
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
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He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
I\'m always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can\'t understand is, if they don\'t know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it\'s because they\'re such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one\'s doubts.
To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
Finagle\'s Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
I\'m very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
If it wasn\'t for C, we\'d be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
I\'m desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you\'ll be afraid to cough.
Don\'t knock masturbation, it\'s sex with someone I love .
The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it\'s because they\'re such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we\'d have a much easier time raising money.
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn\'t it.
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Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
I don\'t want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
Maybe this world is another planet\'s Hell.
And God said, \'Let there be light\' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
Copy from one, it\'s plagiarism; copy from two, it\'s research.
In the begining there was nothing and God said \'Let there be light\', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he\'ll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
Lohr\'s Law: The future is merely the past with a twist ? and better tools.
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn\'t get bigger or heavier.
I\'d give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
Once you\'ve written TBicycle, you never forget how.
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
A man can\'t be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
If you haven\'t got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I\'ve never tried before.
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
I\'d stop eating chocolate, but I\'m no quitter.
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
When I am dead, I hope it may be said: \'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don\'t seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
The only difference between me and a madman is that I\'m not mad.
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That\'s where we come in; we\'re computer professionals. We cause accidents.
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn\'t have an air force.
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
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The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
We didn\'t lose the game; we just ran out of time.
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
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The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn\'t speak up because I wasn\'t a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn\'t speak up because I wasn\'t a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn\'t speak up because I wasn\'t a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn\'t speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
最終更新日 : 2012/01/26/(Thu) 10:27
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